41 Funny Bill Maher Quotes About Life

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher

Top 10 Best Bill Maher Quotes

  1. “Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?”

2. “Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit!”

3. “Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.”

4. “If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.”

5. “It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.”

Bill Maher Quotes

6. “The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won’t say it.”

7. “Denying racism is the new racism.”

8. “You don’t need a weapon to protect yourself.”

9. “You would think there is a higher bar than having a Facebook page to run for president.”

10. “If a fourteen year-old can deliver your message, it’s not because he’s gifted. It’s because intellectually, you’re a child.”

Famous Bill Maher Quotes

11. “The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.” 

12. “I hate stupidity, but what I hate even more is when people actually brag about it.”

13. “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”

14. “Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.”

15. “Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.”

16. “We have a Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.”

17. “What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.” 

18. “The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.”

19. “As you go down the path of life, ask what’s true, not who else believes it!”

20. “The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.”

Funny Bill Maher Quotes

21. “If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.”

22. “Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”

23. “We’re a complacent society, hard to get riled up in the first place, and then when we do, it’s misdirected.”

24. “That’s not water. That’s socialism juice. We should bomb Lake Erie.”

25. “Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.”

26. “I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.”

27. “Obama is not a secret Kenyon, or a secret Muslim, he’s a secret Republican.”

28. “Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.”

29. “When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.”

30. “The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.”

Thought-Provoking Bill Maher Quotes

31. “We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels & free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep & conformists.”

32. “The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.”

33. “Republicans are taking the defeat over Health Care as well as Tiger Woods took to marriage.”

34. “Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I’ll be damned if Rick Perry didn’t take me up on that.”

35. “It is not a surprise that a person would want to be a prophet. What’s ridiculous is that other people let him.”

36. “To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.”

37. “I think the right-wingers have to buddy up to the fact that either the minimum wage has to go up, and people get enough money to live, or you’re always going to have people needing government assistance. You can’t have it both ways.”

38. “The country has become much more conservative, partly because it’s been taken over by the religious right.” 

39. “To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree.” 

40. “Be out of the mainstream. I’m out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?”

41. “Fascism is when corporations become the government.”

About Bill Maher

Bill Maher (born January 20, 1956) is an American comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actor, and television host. He is best known for his work on the HBO political talk show Real Time with Bill Maher (2003-present) and the similar late-night show Politically Incorrect (1993-2002), which aired on Comedy Central before moving to ABC.

He is an animal rights advocate who has served on the board of PETA since 1997 and is a member of Project Reason’s advisory board. Maher is a member of the NORML advisory board and supports cannabis legalization.

In 2005, Maher was ranked number 38 on Comedy Central’s list of the 100 greatest stand-up comedians of all time. In 2010, he was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Maher has 41 Primetime Emmy nominations and one win for his work as an executive producer for Vice in 2014. He has also been nominated for two Grammys and a Tony Award.

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